Week 2 Marriage Trends - Thoughts on Marriage, Co-habitation, and Divorce

I have seen to some extent the idea that marriage is optional.  Many people genuinely do believe that living with your partner prior to marriage is a good thing, that living together will help ease them into marriage.  In my view, I feel like this is the easy out method.  Let me explain, I think that people in general are terrified of being vulnerable and authentic.  With cohabitation, it is like an insurance policy that one can walk away relatively unscathed if one or both of the individuals deem it ‘not working’.  Maybe this is a little judgmental, but when I hear ‘not working’, I want to probe a little to see if ‘not working’ actually means “I don’t want to change and put someone else first”.  Marriage is committing fully to another person.  Marriage is hard, it takes work, and it is so rewarding when two people work together towards a common goal.  Dallin H. Oaks said, “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.”  This is not the easiest advice to follow.   If there is commitment in a marriage, it stands to be better for everyone involved, particularly if there are children in the marriage.  

Children benefit from a stable, healthy marriage.  In the 2012 article “The State of our Unions” research had been done and suggested that children stand to be more well-adjusted, emotionally stable individuals when they are raised in a home with both parents who are married.  In 2012 a staggering tipping point happened when 53% of births in the United States were to unmarried women under 30.  I am a mother, I have four children.  I remember the birth of my first.  I was newly married; my husband and I were approaching our two-year anniversary.  I remember feeling so overwhelmed and unprepared.  I could not imagine the stress and pressure a single mother must feel, or even a mother who has a boyfriend, but are not married.  There is so much uncertainty in that situation, and I believe that energetically a child can pick up on that.  It affects them too.   I do feel that children can sense emotional tension even if they don’t realize that is what they are picking up on. 

Now let’s talk divorce.  I am going to start by saying that often times a marriage can and should be saved.  There are no guarantees that the next marriage will be better or happier.  However, there are times that a marriage needs to end.  This is the most important part: I will never be the one that judges another for their choice to get a divorce.  There are two sides to every story.  There is no way I can fully understand what you are going through, what you have been through, and what you can and can not take on.  I am here to be a friend.  A support.  There is no need to make an already difficult situation harder.  No one needs that.  I hope that in these upcoming posts with my thoughts on marriage and what I am learning we can learn and discuss things frankly, with the spirit of respect and consideration.  The more we can learn from each other, the more we can grow as a society.

 Refrences

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng

Musings on Light

In pathway this week we read some of my favorite passages in the Book of Mormon.  3^rd Nephi 12-17.  This is when the Savior visits the Americas.  He visits the Nephites teaching, ministering and extending invitations to follow Him.  I really liked 3^rd Nephi 12:14-16-

14 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I give unto you to be the light of this people. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.

15 Behold, do men light a candle and put it under a bushel? Nay, but on a candlestick, and it giveth light to all that are in the house;

16 Therefore let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

3 Nephi 12:14-16

I love His description and invitation to the people.  He asks them to be a light.  Light is significant to me for many reasons, but I thought I would start with looking up what the Webster dictionary said about light

Full Definition of light

1.      1 a :  something that makes vision possible

1.      b :  the sensation aroused by stimulation of the visual receptors

2.      c :  electromagnetic radiation of any wavelength that travels in a vacuum with a speed of about 186,281 miles (300,000 kilometers) per second; specifically :  such radiation that is visible to the human eye

2.      2 a :  daylight

1.      b :  dawn

3.      3 :  a source of light: as

1.      a :  a celestial body

2.      b :  candle

3.      c :  an electric light

4.      4 archaic :  sight 4a

5.      5 a :  spiritual illumination

1.      b :  inner light

2.      c :  enlightenment

3.      d :  truth

6.      6 a :  public knowledge

1.      b :  a particular aspect or appearance presented to view

7.      7 :  a particular illumination

8.      8 :  something that enlightens or informs

The word light is amazing.  It has so may contexts, all involving vision, of one kind or another.  Mental, Physical, emotional, and spiritual light.  I love the word light because it means so much to me, not only in scripture, but also in art, and yoga. 

I love photography, which is a graphing of light.  Understanding how to capture it makes some beautiful images and gives an understanding of how light can illuminate a subject, or keep it in shadow. In yoga we talk about how every person has an inner light, that we can connect with personally, and use that light to connect with God.  We also acknowledge that light in the expression when we say Namaste at the end of every class.  “The light and love in me acknowledges the light and love with in you”.  All beings have that divine spark, an inner light.   .  Light is an energy, it sustains life.  Light is necessary for so many reasons, yet it is so readily available we may take it for granted.  When the Savior talks about light in 3^rd Nephi 12:14-16, He talks to us about light, in the form of a candle.  He asks a question, would you light a candle and hide it?  Would you deprive yourself or others of the light?  No!  You would put it on a candle stick so it would give light to all the house.  To me, this means to be fearlessly yourself.  Be an example of righteous living to all.  Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed or afraid to share your light.   The world needs your light.  You have no idea when or where that light is needed, so don’t hide it.  Don’t turn it off.  I don’t think that the Savior randomly chose to call Himself the Light of the World.  Light is a concept that is easily understood by all.  He is the ultimate light, when we follow Him, we make His light that much stronger.  We shine so He can be known in the world. 

It mattereth not

I am now in my second semester in Pathway.  I can’t believe that I have made it this far.  It has been great, but also a lot more work than I had originally thought.  IN my religion class this week we from Alma 43-63.  The mere fact that I read 20 chapters in a week was enough to treat myself to a little treat as I write this blog post.  Thank goodness that it is girl scout season.  What I read in the last chapters has had a lasting impact on me.  Let me introduce you to my current favorite Book of Mormon hero: Pahoran.  Here’s why:  As a yogini, I look to my teachers for guidance and wisdom.  I have had some truly amazing teachers, and I really think Pahoran would be some kind of prophet yogi sage today.  The situation he was in when he received an epistle from Moroni was not great.  He had been unseated in his land, and fled with many people to the land of Gideon.  Moroni did not know any of this when he wrote is epistle.  Pahoran’s response is a well thought out RESPONSE.  Not a reaction.  Not more accusations.  He was not on the defensive, he validated all of Moroni’s concerns, and empathized with him before he said this in verse 9 of chapter 61

“And now, in your epistle you have censured me, BUT IT MATTERETH NOT; I am not angry, but REJOYCE in the greatness of your heart.”

I love this because in yoga, we talk a lot about Reaction versus Response.  Pahoran’s example was a perfect example of how to respond without taking offence.  He was wise enough to understand that Moroni was suffering, and that those words, even though true, were written under duress.  He was able to see that and take his pride out of it, and in doing so see the strength, passion, and love Moroni had for his men, and the God he served.  What an amazing example. A reactionary response is the opposite.  

One of my favorite talks by David A. Bednar is “And nothing shall offend them” form October 2006 general conference.  In it he talks about the example of Pahoran as a gauge of spiritual maturity. 

One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended—and to say with Pahoran, “it mattereth not.”

We are in charge of ourselves.  We have no control over others.  We cannot be acted upon.  There is no way we can know for certain the intentions and thoughts of others.   There is such freedom and peace when we cultivate the ability to take nothing personally, like Pahoran did.