Week 4 Doctrine of Eternal Marriage - Marriage and the Three Wolves

ElderHafen's talk about marriage facing the three wolves really resonated with me this week.  I know everyone thinks of marriage as the start of an awesome life, and it is.  It is also really hard at times.  The three wolves that Elder Hafen explains are 1. Adversity 2. Individual Imperfections 3. Excessive Individualism.   In a covenant marriage, this is explained in the talk that the perspective is different.  There is more accountability, because the couple goes into the marriage knowing it is for eternity.  To me, this means that there is sufficient skin in the game to make the fight worth it.  

I remember when I got engaged, my grandmother, who was a feisty lady, told me, "Oh little girl, you are going to grow up the hard way."  I was actually really offended.  However, after 16 years of marriage, I can see she was speaking from an experienced perspective.  If a couple is not able to look inward and hold themselves accountable to any shortcomings that will definitely be exposed in a marriage, then it will be a very unhappy one.  This is hard to do!  No one likes to be wrong, and most people don’t like admitting that they are flawed.  It takes the marriage to a vulnerable and wonderful place when one or the other can say, “Yes, I see that I was wrong.  I know I need to work on that, and I am sorry.”  I wish I had learned this sooner in my marriage. Damon and I are best friends.  We love each other, and we laugh a lot.  We also have been through a lot.  We lost everything, essentially, about ten years ago.  Damon lost his job, we lost our home, and I was pregnant with our second baby.  It was a humbling year, both individually and as a family.  It took a lot to come up from that blow, but through adversity we gain so much, like the ability to ask for help. We lost things we didn’t need like pride.  We realized that God’s plan for us isn’t always known, but that we will always be taken care of.  Adversity exposes weakness, individual imperfections come to a glaring head.  I think this is make or break for a marriage. 

You have a choice with the individualism.  If a person keeps putting him/herself and interests first, the marriage will deteriorate.  If you learn to love and serve your spouse, the marriage will thrive.  Your needs will be met if your spouse is doing the same.  Both spouses put in 100%.  It is a constant giving and receiving.  One must learn to serve, and also allow their spouse to serve them.  That can be difficult too!  Knowing your partner’s love language is key in making this a success. That is another post for another time.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the three wolves.  How do you think adversity, individual imperfections, and individualism affect a marriage?