Epic Parakeet

In Joey's English class, they had to write about their dreams. I don't know if this was exactly what the teacher had in mind, but I liked it.

I dream of being a bird. I would start my life in the depths of a petco, an awesome parakeet trapped in a life of cages and workers with lots of body piercings. I would spend months screaming at customers to save me from my crowded cage and ugly diseased neighbors. Finally a rich little girl would come in and rescue me in a cardboard carton. I would spend several months in an enormous cage with lots of food, until eventually the girl would get tired of me and replace me with a ferret. I dream of being bought by an infamous mob leader who would refuse to clean my cage, so I would get angry and sneakily saw my way through the bars with my beak. I would dial 911 on his phone so he would get caught before I escaped out the window. I dream of joining a group of pigeons owned by a gypsy who did magic tricks. When I got tired of being pulled out of a hat too many times I would escape again and meet a group of geese. I dream of flying across America seeing tourist spots. Someone would eventually capture me and put a tracker on me so by the time I was done sight seeing I would be as famous as Forest Gump for flying so far. In my lifetime I would run with ostriches, live in a penguin colony, and get even more famous for attacking a news anchor in the middle of a show. I would spend a day as one of those birds that gets into Sam’s Club and The Home Depot. I dream of dying high above the East coast. I would be sucked into the jet engine of a plane, but fortunately it would be a bunch of terrorists and I would foil a huge plot to bomb the U.S. I’d be a pretty epic parakeet.