Week 13- Money Talks

Money Matters

When my kids get married, I want them to know two things.

1.     You are not perfect, and neither is your spouse.  Don’t get on a high horse because you don’t have one.

2.     The way you do things is not the only way to do things.  Come up with your own way to do things as a couple

Money management is a source of contention for a lot of married couples out there.  My theory on this is that it is because you are taking one human from one environment with ideas and habits about money, and combining it with another human from another environment with ideas and habits about money.  Throw in poor communication skills, and the inability to see that you aren’t always right all the time and you have the perfect marital storm for discord.  What I found most interesting in the readings this week was the birth order checklist in relation to how you manage money.  I am the oldest child, and after reading the list I was like, “Oh my heck I am so glad my husband is still able to love me because I am such a pill!  Control freak much?!” My husband is both the second child and middle child, and there were components of both.  More middle than second child, but he likes to live dangerously. 

Here is my take away-

1.     Trying to blend two different family rules without communicating is why we had such a hard time getting our budget under wraps the first ten years of our marriage.

2.     It got a lot better after a lot of individual and group therapy.

3.     Go on a date and do the surveys in Poduska’s booked called Till Debt to us Part specifically in chapter two.

4.     Be nice to yourself as you realize that you are not the authority on everything.  This helps with the compromising that needs to happen.  Honestly I was really embarrassed about some of my go to behaviors like shutting down and then just avoiding the topic all together. 

5.     Write out your financial goals as a couple!  Compromise on them until both are satisfied.  It is okay if this takes a while.  This will take a lot of practice.  You can do it!  Marriage is worth the crap load of self-reflection you have to do to make it work.