Damon and I have been married for almost 16 years. We have four kids. We have been through hard times, easy times,
and everything in between. I would
categorize us in the positive sentiment category. We have arguments, for sure, but the example
of a couple sticking out their tongues at each other over what car they should get
made me laugh because we have literally done the exact something. It breaks the tension, and ultimately checks
us back into reality. I think I need
that a lot. I dose of perspective, with
the idea of “Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things?” As I read Dr. Gottman’s book about how a marriage
can go wrong, it made me so sad! The examples
of the arguments that he listened in on were horrible to hear. I downloaded the audible version of the book
as well because of time constraints this week, and hearing it was way worse
than reading it. I thought it was really
interesting that he coined the term ‘flooding’ when the couple’s physiological
responses were evident. The body was
literally flooding itself with stress hormones resulting in raised heart rate
and other stress indicators. I noticed the same results happening in myself listening
to them.
In a marriage, friendship is everything. If you aren’t friends with your spouse, then what
is the point of marriage. I view my
husband as my ultimate confidant, who I can be myself with and there is no
judgement or criticism. He is my best
friend. I can tell him anything, and he
tells me everything, and it is so beautiful.
Allowing someone in like that takes some bravery and vulnerability. It is worth it though. My husband and I share everything, we know
everything, and we laugh a lot because of it.
Neither of us are perfect, and we have things we can definitely work on. But we do work on them. Because we know it is important, and actively
working on yourself signifies to your spouse that you are trying. Knowing that a person is trying to become a
better person helps the other give the benefit of the doubt, which is so important
in any relationship. If we were to quick
to pounce and glaringly show a mistake, eventually the marriage would
deteriorate. If there is an incident of
something gone wrong, I usually start with, “Hey, are you okay? (What ever the event was) wasn’t like you,
did something happen today?” More often
than not it was something that was totally unrelated to me or the kids, and
most of the time we don’t even know what was bothering us until we talk it
out.
What ways do you and your spouse maintain the friendship and
support eachother?
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