I have seen to some extent the idea that marriage is
optional. Many people genuinely do
believe that living with your partner prior to marriage is a good thing, that
living together will help ease them into marriage. In my view, I feel like this is the easy out
method. Let me explain, I think that people
in general are terrified of being vulnerable and authentic. With cohabitation, it is like an insurance
policy that one can walk away relatively unscathed if one or both of the
individuals deem it ‘not working’. Maybe
this is a little judgmental, but when I hear ‘not working’, I want to probe a
little to see if ‘not working’ actually means “I don’t want to change and put
someone else first”. Marriage is
committing fully to another person. Marriage
is hard, it takes work, and it is so rewarding when two people work together
towards a common goal. Dallin H. Oaks said, “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It
only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” This is not the easiest advice to follow. If there
is commitment in a marriage, it stands to be better for everyone involved,
particularly if there are children in the marriage.
Children benefit from a stable, healthy marriage. In the 2012 article “The State of our Unions”
research had been done and suggested that children stand to be more well-adjusted,
emotionally stable individuals when they are raised in a home with both parents
who are married. In 2012 a staggering
tipping point happened when 53% of births in the United States were to unmarried
women under 30. I am a mother, I have
four children. I remember the birth of
my first. I was newly married; my
husband and I were approaching our two-year anniversary. I remember feeling so overwhelmed and
unprepared. I could not imagine the
stress and pressure a single mother must feel, or even a mother who has a
boyfriend, but are not married. There is
so much uncertainty in that situation, and I believe that energetically a child
can pick up on that. It affects them
too. I do feel that children can sense emotional
tension even if they don’t realize that is what they are picking up on.
Now let’s talk divorce.
I am going to start by saying that often times a marriage can and should
be saved. There are no guarantees that
the next marriage will be better or happier.
However, there are times that a marriage needs to end. This is the most important part: I will never
be the one that judges another for their choice to get a divorce. There are two sides to every story. There is no way I can fully understand what
you are going through, what you have been through, and what you can and can not
take on. I am here to be a friend. A support. There is no need to make an already difficult
situation harder. No one needs that. I hope that in these upcoming posts with my
thoughts on marriage and what I am learning we can learn and discuss things
frankly, with the spirit of respect and consideration. The more we can learn from each other, the
more we can grow as a society.
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