Week 6 Cherishing your spouse - You know too much, and that is a good thing

So many thoughts about this week.  We read in Dr. Gottman’s book Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work chapters four and five all about deepening our relationship with our spouse, as well as creating in-depth love maps.  One thing that I loved about all the questions and activities in the book is that it required a lot of emotional effort and vulnerability.  Some of the questions went to difficult places, like childhood experiences that were difficult, or about how they strengthened and healed themselves after hardships or grievances.  In some ways, it is very similar questions that my husband and I asked each other when we were going through couples’ therapy.  We got married, and I felt that we had a solid marriage, but after engaging in exercise like the ones in Dr. Gottman’s book I felt that I had a new appreciation and affection for my husband, and vice versa.  Some challenges in marriage in maintaining a love map is that it takes real effort.  This isn’t a one-time round of questions and then you and your spouse are done.  It takes constant updating.  Similar to an app, it needs to be improved, and the kinks and bugs worked out.  It also takes using the app to figure out where the weak spots are, and listening to feedback from your spouse to see where improvements can be made.  Marriage takes work, but it is so rewarding when both the husband and wife are engaged in making their relationship based on love and appreciation for each other.  My husband and I say, I like you, and I love you.  We want to be with each other, because we have a solid base of friendship.  The meme that says, "You will always be my best friend, because you know too much" definitely applies to me and my husband.  We know everything about each other, because we are vulnerable with each other and trust each other to not run away when the hard stuff comes up.